I have to apologize, because I really haven’t been spending much time here. It’s like the father who goes to work and has all of his food and pictures there, but comes home once a week for a heartbeat before stepping out again.
Infinite Ammo has been both fun, frustrating and insane. We’ve had our views skyrocket (and plummet, sadly) on certain days, but we’ve been largely a great success, especially factoring in that we have particular niche, we’re a small group of writers, we’re doing this for free (so far) and we’ve all got our own lives, jobs and passions to juggle.
Recently, The New York Comic Con really brought me to certain mental extremes, with Frank, Eddie, David and I running ourselves ragged with absolutely no real press credentials to speak of, but still carrying ourselves in such a responsible, professional air that it made me proud to see us putting so much hard work into making it to panels on time, covering different events, taking pictures, the works. For better or worse (the worst being Eddie and I trapped in a 4 hr long line for the Avengers surrounded by hundreds of riotous geeks and STILL not seeing the panel, only to have a guy feint before us) we made of it what we could, but it was so bad that by the last day we just couldn’t even attempt to see anything else, culling dozens of expected panels to just one event we ended up covered on Sunday. Since then we’ve had relative success balancing schedules and posts and getting a weekday daily article published on time, until recently, just now hitting a wall where we’re all just worn out, out of back up articles, and ready to go into hibernation for the winter.
But all of this has been really opening my perspectives to things, really making me see that when we put our minds to it, things can happen. Frank came to me about this project, something I wanted to really try at the beginning of the year, and with our initiative and dedication we put it together (thanks largely to Frank’s determination and ingenuity) and made it happen.
Now what else can we do?
I’ve been in a mental battle, beating myself up, saying “why haven’t you gotten anywhere? There’s millionaires younger than you who got there by sheer determination and genius and you’ve had what? Two retails jobs, now an office job, and nothing published, anywhere, but one measly article for your college newspaper. All these ideas you have, all of these things you want to do, all of these projects in games, movies, comics, and novels you want to work on, and they’re just wasting away in your head and your thumb drive.
Well fuck that!
If there was ever any time for me to have reached a creative maturity about what I want out of life, it’s now. And you can’t spend a lifetime planning, you have to spend 75% of it doing, or else it never gets done.
What does this mean for me now? A sort of renovation, I hope, to get my thoughts together, get my plans in motion, to actually write, get paid for it, and be happy that I’m living the dream I want. With my new job I have the ability to finally get my own place, become my own man, and with the time permitted, go out and expand my being. There’s a whole fricking revolution trying to get off the ground one boro away and I have yet to see it with my own eyes. It doesn’t matter if I think it will succeed or not (which I hope something comes out of it), it matters that–as a writer and journalist–I experience a major milestone in history.
And that’s not all. I want to take more pictures, write more letters, send my writing places, the works. I’m also going to spend time revamping this very blog, doing an actual renovation, and using it more. I want to renovate my perspective, the people in my life, the way I carry myself.
I know I’m stretching the ordinary use of the word, but damn it, it’s time for it, and I hope any of you who have kept up with me or find this later will join me for that ride and see if I can really make my dreams come true.
Until next time: